Randomness

I'll never understand the workings of the human heart, at least not completely. I'll never understand how it's possible to feel so much and so little at the same time or how it's possible to feel so much for two incredible people as opposed to just one. I know all of that might seem a little confusing and that's okay, I don't feel the need to explain really. I guess I'm just confused by the way love and life work sometimes. I always remember a quote from the movie 'Me, Myself and Irene' at times like these..."I guess the heart just wants what the heart wants." It's so true. However, sometimes figuring out exactly what it is our heart wants....well that's the hard part. We'll leave it at that.

Sometimes in life, it's so hard to figure out the next step and if the choice you're making is the right one. I don't think we ever REALLY know. After all, most decisions people make are based on all we know at the time. There will always be things we don't know that could've helped us to make different choices. Just to take a glance into the future....it'd make things so much easier. We only live once, we all want to make the right choices and decisions, and I think we all wish there was a way to know if the things we choose or decide will work out for the best. I think life puts things in front of us for a reason, every single thing. Every person, every event is meant to help us see or choose where we want to or are meant to be. Sometimes I wonder if the things we want are really the things that we need and vice versa. I guess there's never any way to be REALLY sure. Wouldn't it be nice if there was?

Something else I don't understand is the way certain people choose to make their lives so dramatic. I used to be like that. I wasted so much time on it because at one time I thought all of these little things were SO important. I thought that peoples opinions and the things they said or did mattered SO much. Sometimes, when you take a step back it's easy to see that really, those people and their thoughts and words don't matter at all. That if things in your life have to be so dramatic it might be better just to take a few steps back. I don't think some people will ever understand that. I think that a lot of times people thrive on the attention and the drama and get so caught up in it that they fail to see what really matters and what's really important. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. It's how many of these 'assholes' we let influence our lives that's important. Personally, I'd rather not have any other than my own to deal with.

I ran into someone this past weekend that I haven't seen in a while. They shared a few things about their life with me that were definitely a surprise. I found out things, about people who have constantly criticized me, that absolutely floored me. Here, I was being lectured about the way I chose to live my life or the decisions I made from these people with this holier than thou attitude and come to find out...the things they'd been doing that they hadn't talked about, the way things REALLY are in their lives as opposed to the way they'd like people to believe they are, the way the people around them REALLY behave and what they're involved in....let's just say that overall, my hands are pretty clean. Now, I'm not judging. We all make our own choices, our own beds to lie in and Lord knows, I'm far from perfect and my 'bed' is rarely ever 'made' for lack of a better term BUT I also never took time out of my day to go above and beyond to criticize these people to make myself feel better. However, I guess if I was doing the things they were/are I would want to hide it the best way I could too, and I'd probably think the best way was to start pointing out everyone elses flaws before I took the time to look at my own which are, by comparison, much worse.