I love this time of night here at home. It's so quiet and peaceful. The dogs are asleep, Caleb is at his Nana's tonight, the roomie is asleep and I'm left here alone with my thoughts.
You know, it's funny, there's so much I could say but it all seems like a waste of breath. The thing I've learned the most lately is, you can't fix stupid and well, in this world, there's a lot of stupid lol. I am done trying to change peoples mind or put the real thing out there. I know what it is, and I'm content with just that. People will be convinced of whatever they want, I don't even care to change it anymore. I'm going to laugh to myself about it all, because well, I got it like that.
I do what I do and I LOVE my life. I also LIVE my life for no one but myself and my son. People can disagree with that or think whatever they want but I have my time to be mom and my time, after 4 years, to be me. I am entitled to that and there are no rules saying you are not allowed that to be a good parent. I want breaks like everyone else and just because I take them doesn't mean I'm less, it means I know when to give myself a mental rest so my child can have a happier parent around him rather than someone who is bitter and miserable.
Either way, I'm done explaining it. I have some awesome friends in my life, I have a lot of awesome things going for me and most of all, I'm loving every minute of living MY life on MY terms. I should have done this a long time ago. If anyone feels left out, or left behind, well then I really don't know what to say. I'm still young and I still have time to do all of the things I want to. I don't have to stop living because I have a boyfriend, I don't have to stop living because I have a child and most of all I don't have to stop living because some bitter person who must hate their own life so much they have to have a superior attitude, thinks that I should. I'll do me, you do you.
I was never the perfect housewife, I can't make myself squeeze into that role. I know I'm not a perfect mother, but I do my best and my son grows up around amazing people who love him and care about him and has a mom who is HAPPY finally. I know that I may bounce from job to job but it's always kind of been my thing. I don't like boring and I don't like routine and if that makes me a bad person well then so be it.
I have worked hard to get everything that I have wanted in whatever fashion I've done it. I have been through times where I only depended on myself and times where I have only depended on others. Either way, I've always made it through, repaid my debt in one form or fashion and come out better on the other side. Life isn't always easy, sometimes we fall and sometimes we stumble, we have to rely on others occasionally who can help pick us back up, that's just all a part of it and there isn't a bit of shame in it. At least not to me, a person who has lived a lot of life without some idealized version of the world that I hold up as 'how it should be'. There is no 'how it should be', things change and evolve every day and you adapt to the situation at hand. That's just how it goes and I wouldn't have it any other way. The best parts of life are in the struggle, not in the easy parts.
Some people will never learn and grow. I have learned that too. There are some people who are content in their own little bubble, working so hard to prove their happier or better. I'm not. I like just being happier, better is a matter of opinion which I never really cared about. There is so much out there to see and do, and so much life to live, I could never limit myself to one small thing, one small view of this whole wide world. I want to do as much as I can and meet as many people as I can and have as much fun as I can because what it comes down to is that we only live once. We have to make the best of it, there is no redo button.
I guess, in the end, what I'm saying is this, I LIVE my life. I don't care who doesn't approve or what the silly opinions of others may be. I have learned through living, not through a text book and though that might not give me a big ol career or some high paying job, the payment I get from LIVING and LEARNING in life will make me richer in the end than any hour I've ever spent in a class room. I don't think I'm better or worse for that, it's just the way I prefer to be. That works for me and that's all I care about. People can say whatever they want, console themselves with whatever stories they fabricate or make themselves the do all hero in but I know the truth and deep down, they do too. I can still look in the mirror every day and feel just fine.
Well, long day tomorrow and I've blabbered on enough. There's a whole new day and a LOT of life to be lived. I intend to make the most out of EVERY minute. I can't wait to be on the road for the longest road trip of my life in 9 days with one of my very best friends. It's work (having to get the car from point a to b) and fun (might as well make the best of it) all rolled in to one. Can't ask for more =)
Until next time kids....
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