Saturday, July 2, 2011
I'm just me
Someone once told me, "You're like a mustang. No point in trying to tame you." I laughed at the analogy at first but then, I realized it's true. If someone pushes in one direction, I push harder in the other. If someone tells me no, I want to make it a yes. If someone tells me I can't, I'll do anything to succeed at it instead. It's just the way I am 90% of time. The thought of letting anyone, especially a man and no matter how much I love the, tell me what to do or that they want me to do certain things or that I should (that's always the worst word) do certain things...well, I can't handle that. I just want to be me and do what I do.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Everyone has to get offended
When I posted this on FB so I'm leaving it here instead....
I guess I just wanted to put this out there. I have a lot of people on my FB, some I know better than I know myself, others I barely know and I guess sometimes, because of the latter, I feel the need to explain myself.
Let me start with this...I was 'married' to the Army for almost four years. Literally married for a little over two. I went through 2 deployments (for arguments sake) with my soon to be ex husband. I have lived in this town for most of the time we were together and have seen things that most people wouldn't believe while I've been here. Maybe, that is why I have no tolerance left for any of it.
I have seen almost EVERY guy I know cheated on, I have seen many women cheated on, I have seen tag chasers and barracks hoes...LOL You get my point. This place has a way of changing people, and it does it to everyone, no one is special or exempt. Of the years I was with my husband, because of his job in the Army, I saw him for approximately 10 months....yes, 10 months in almost 4 years. Wrap your mind around that. People wonder how you grow apart....that's a good place to start as far as a reason. Furthermore, add the problems that someone comes home with from a deployment. TBI, PTSD, etc etc etc....the list goes on and for those of you who haven't been there, you don't get it. Everyone is different so unless you've been in that particular persons shoe's you can't know what it is like. You do not understand what it's like to watch the person you knew and loved slip away piece by piece except no one is realizing it but you because on the outside, they look and seem normal. The tiny changes escape people apparently. And btw, there's not a damn thing you can do because you're 6,000 miles away....
The other thing that pisses me off about people, mainly here, is that there seems to be this misconception that no Soldier should deal with any issues back home while they're deployed. It should be solely the wife's responsibility and that's it. SHE should be the one to suck it up and deal with it alone. Well let me tell you what, if I had done a lot less of that, my marriage might not have had so many issues. But I was brainwashed to think that was the way to go. Trust me, it's not. Being in Afghanistan does not exempt you from real life, it does not exempt you from your problems nor does it give you a license to treat people back home like crap because they don't do what you do. I'm sorry, I'm not the one who signed the contract KNOWING I would go to war (because after 2001 it wasn't an if it was a when). Don't get over there and think that you can do or say whatever you want and pawn everything off on the people at home because you're special. No. Life or death happens everywhere, every day, to every body. Unless you are going out getting shot at and blown up every day (like my ex whose plt, btw, I watched GETTING SHOT AT ON THE NEWS! (few people get that awesome reality check), and others like him and in worse MOS's and units) do not cry to me about your hard deployment. Unless you were living at a shit hole middle of nowhere little patrol base eating MRE's for 15 months in Iraq or Afghanistan, getting shot at, doing patrols, etc etc etc....there are a LOT of Soldiers who have it MUCH MUCH MUCH worse. THEY are entitled to complain.
Unless you are the one getting a call to tell you that your husband's vehicle got hit with an 800 lb bomb, that you are the one getting a worse call than that....You should thank your lucky stars every day for what you do have because I can tell you, THOSE are the things you dread the most. If you go your entire 'Army life' without them, you are blessed and shouldn't whine about how he hasn't called you in two days. Fuck, I remember when my husband was gone for 15 months to Iraq. Internet was shitty, phones were shitty and we were lucky if we heard from them every 4 days, THAT was a good week. I can certainly tell you they did not have hours to sit on a fucking computer every day so if you have that now....you're lucky. I have had friends die, I have had friends whose significant other died, I have seen people who come home dead inside. I have seen the effects of war when people come home, from a hard deployment, and I can tell you that unless you have lived through that, you don't get it. I have watched grown men cry, I have seen them unable to sleep for days on end, I have been on the receiving end of touching someone who is so amped up that they even swing in their sleep (or worse). There is not one person I know it has not touched.
So try me. Tell me I don't know what this life is like, that I don't understand, that I should be nicer because I can't. I have dealt with the real shit as have most of the people I know and love. THIS is the real Army life. It's not the shit you see on television. Just like they fight every day there, you fight every day here. The difference is, you do it alone, they have an entire unit of people fighting along side of them. In our life, you're lucky if you have one or two real friends.
I might never have been deployed but I have lived through hell here. Not only is there everything listed above but you watch everyone you know slowly move away, ETS, PCS, divorce, die, lose their spouse, grow apart...How about that? Is that enough of a reality check? So for everyone who wants to judge who I am and how I feel...now you know why. Because THAT has been my life for four years. I don't regret it, I wouldn't take it back. It made me a much stronger person and I've lived through things I wouldn't have thought I could.
However, now I'm on the brink of turning in my ID card. And with that, I am turning in a part of myself, giving away a part of my life, losing a part of who I was for so long. I have to figure out how to live in the real world again, how to function without the Army in my life, and realize that there are a whole different set of skills I have to remember now. I have not held a real job in 4 years. I owned my own business, but even that, isn't like having a career. I'm now out in the world without the backing of the Army, a bi-weekly pay check and someone who because of their job can provide whatever I may need. That is scary at 26 when you realize you have done nothing but be an Army wife for four years. No job cares that you can read an LES, set up allotments and manage the bank account....that's not accounting. No one cares you understand 98% of acronyms without a second thought, it's not a foreign language. There isn't a job that gives a crap that you have problem solving skills beyond most peoples because you've had to learn how to do it all on your own or nothing would get done...they don't care that you can fill out endless amounts of paperwork without getting writers cramp because you've done it so many times, nor do they care that you have become the most patient person on the face of the Earth because you've had to be. In the real world, none of that matters anymore. That, in and of itself, is scary and disheartening.
I don't know if there is really any point to this, other than to say, this life is hard. On both ends. If you can't respect both sides it's most likely because you haven't lived it or you're selfish, either way. The war doesn't stop at the Afghan border, it's a war fighting to make life go on every day here at home. So, when I lose patience, when I'm tired of excuses, when I get angry with what Afghanistan and the Army took away from me (because once upon a time I had a family that I loved with someone I loved very much) and I get resentful of the things I have had to endure....now, you know why.
Let me start with this...I was 'married' to the Army for almost four years. Literally married for a little over two. I went through 2 deployments (for arguments sake) with my soon to be ex husband. I have lived in this town for most of the time we were together and have seen things that most people wouldn't believe while I've been here. Maybe, that is why I have no tolerance left for any of it.
I have seen almost EVERY guy I know cheated on, I have seen many women cheated on, I have seen tag chasers and barracks hoes...LOL You get my point. This place has a way of changing people, and it does it to everyone, no one is special or exempt. Of the years I was with my husband, because of his job in the Army, I saw him for approximately 10 months....yes, 10 months in almost 4 years. Wrap your mind around that. People wonder how you grow apart....that's a good place to start as far as a reason. Furthermore, add the problems that someone comes home with from a deployment. TBI, PTSD, etc etc etc....the list goes on and for those of you who haven't been there, you don't get it. Everyone is different so unless you've been in that particular persons shoe's you can't know what it is like. You do not understand what it's like to watch the person you knew and loved slip away piece by piece except no one is realizing it but you because on the outside, they look and seem normal. The tiny changes escape people apparently. And btw, there's not a damn thing you can do because you're 6,000 miles away....
The other thing that pisses me off about people, mainly here, is that there seems to be this misconception that no Soldier should deal with any issues back home while they're deployed. It should be solely the wife's responsibility and that's it. SHE should be the one to suck it up and deal with it alone. Well let me tell you what, if I had done a lot less of that, my marriage might not have had so many issues. But I was brainwashed to think that was the way to go. Trust me, it's not. Being in Afghanistan does not exempt you from real life, it does not exempt you from your problems nor does it give you a license to treat people back home like crap because they don't do what you do. I'm sorry, I'm not the one who signed the contract KNOWING I would go to war (because after 2001 it wasn't an if it was a when). Don't get over there and think that you can do or say whatever you want and pawn everything off on the people at home because you're special. No. Life or death happens everywhere, every day, to every body. Unless you are going out getting shot at and blown up every day (like my ex whose plt, btw, I watched GETTING SHOT AT ON THE NEWS! (few people get that awesome reality check), and others like him and in worse MOS's and units) do not cry to me about your hard deployment. Unless you were living at a shit hole middle of nowhere little patrol base eating MRE's for 15 months in Iraq or Afghanistan, getting shot at, doing patrols, etc etc etc....there are a LOT of Soldiers who have it MUCH MUCH MUCH worse. THEY are entitled to complain.
Unless you are the one getting a call to tell you that your husband's vehicle got hit with an 800 lb bomb, that you are the one getting a worse call than that....You should thank your lucky stars every day for what you do have because I can tell you, THOSE are the things you dread the most. If you go your entire 'Army life' without them, you are blessed and shouldn't whine about how he hasn't called you in two days. Fuck, I remember when my husband was gone for 15 months to Iraq. Internet was shitty, phones were shitty and we were lucky if we heard from them every 4 days, THAT was a good week. I can certainly tell you they did not have hours to sit on a fucking computer every day so if you have that now....you're lucky. I have had friends die, I have had friends whose significant other died, I have seen people who come home dead inside. I have seen the effects of war when people come home, from a hard deployment, and I can tell you that unless you have lived through that, you don't get it. I have watched grown men cry, I have seen them unable to sleep for days on end, I have been on the receiving end of touching someone who is so amped up that they even swing in their sleep (or worse). There is not one person I know it has not touched.
So try me. Tell me I don't know what this life is like, that I don't understand, that I should be nicer because I can't. I have dealt with the real shit as have most of the people I know and love. THIS is the real Army life. It's not the shit you see on television. Just like they fight every day there, you fight every day here. The difference is, you do it alone, they have an entire unit of people fighting along side of them. In our life, you're lucky if you have one or two real friends.
I might never have been deployed but I have lived through hell here. Not only is there everything listed above but you watch everyone you know slowly move away, ETS, PCS, divorce, die, lose their spouse, grow apart...How about that? Is that enough of a reality check? So for everyone who wants to judge who I am and how I feel...now you know why. Because THAT has been my life for four years. I don't regret it, I wouldn't take it back. It made me a much stronger person and I've lived through things I wouldn't have thought I could.
However, now I'm on the brink of turning in my ID card. And with that, I am turning in a part of myself, giving away a part of my life, losing a part of who I was for so long. I have to figure out how to live in the real world again, how to function without the Army in my life, and realize that there are a whole different set of skills I have to remember now. I have not held a real job in 4 years. I owned my own business, but even that, isn't like having a career. I'm now out in the world without the backing of the Army, a bi-weekly pay check and someone who because of their job can provide whatever I may need. That is scary at 26 when you realize you have done nothing but be an Army wife for four years. No job cares that you can read an LES, set up allotments and manage the bank account....that's not accounting. No one cares you understand 98% of acronyms without a second thought, it's not a foreign language. There isn't a job that gives a crap that you have problem solving skills beyond most peoples because you've had to learn how to do it all on your own or nothing would get done...they don't care that you can fill out endless amounts of paperwork without getting writers cramp because you've done it so many times, nor do they care that you have become the most patient person on the face of the Earth because you've had to be. In the real world, none of that matters anymore. That, in and of itself, is scary and disheartening.
I don't know if there is really any point to this, other than to say, this life is hard. On both ends. If you can't respect both sides it's most likely because you haven't lived it or you're selfish, either way. The war doesn't stop at the Afghan border, it's a war fighting to make life go on every day here at home. So, when I lose patience, when I'm tired of excuses, when I get angry with what Afghanistan and the Army took away from me (because once upon a time I had a family that I loved with someone I loved very much) and I get resentful of the things I have had to endure....now, you know why.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
It's Been A While
Well, it's been almost 4 months since I've written. I've been busy, really super busy. I don't really think there's a need to recap it all so we'll leave it at that.
One of the highlights was Lark's last foal being born (finally! one year and one day after her dam was bred). She's a beautiful little bay filly named 'Larks Last Rose' (Hope is her barn name). She was born on June 10th. I couldn't have hoped for anything more than all that she is. I believe I may be as in love with her as I am with my son and every time I see her the feeling only intensifies. She is the one thing bridging a very hard past with so much hope and potential for the future. She is the fruit of something I worked so hard to create that fell apart but now has the opportunity to grow again some day. She means a lot to everyone who knew Lark, who endured 2010 with C 'n' J/Double C, and those who know us and the story now. She is the first fruit of the vision I had for so long in my mind of exactly what I wanted to create with my breeding program. Again, I couldn't have asked for more. She is a beautiful final gift from Lark and will hopefully carry on his memory to all who know her for years to come.
On other topics, I feel that lately I've grown as a person. My divorce will be final within the next few weeks (most likely) and I am once again an individual instead of an Army wife, or anyone's wife. I no longer, legally, have to answer to anyone but myself and my son. It's a liberating and wonderful feeling. It's freeing and inspiring. I don't want to lose my grasp on that. As sad as I am that things ended the way they did and for the reasons they did (on both of our parts), I'm glad to see that things have settled quite well and that now we both, hopefully, can move on with our lives in a happier direction. Walking away is never easy and only when you lose something do you realize how much you truly had and took for granted, but sometimes if you don't walk away, you'll never be able to see what kind of amazing life can be for you.
This is a scary, challenging, life altering time. I love it. I love this feeling. I am not sure that I'll ever want to lose it. That being said, I've remembered something I seem to forget repeatedly and that's doing what makes me happy. I need to and more often. Therefore, due to the invite of two wonderful friends, I have decided that in 2012 I will fulfill two of the things I've wanted to do most in my life for the longest time. I will visit Sicily (where my family is from) and Ireland (where I have always felt a part of my heart must be). I'm not sure how I'm getting there, or getting the money to do so, but I do know that I have enough time to plan it and I want to see the world. I have never been west of the Mississippi and being 26, I think I need to catch up on lost time and do some traveling. I think I deserve that, I think I've earned that, so that is what I'll do.
I have dealt with so much drama in the past year. My own drama, my ex's drama, Army drama, friends drama, family drama....I'm tired and it's grown old. I have learned I cannot fix mistakes for others, nor do I care to any more. We all have to walk our own path and learn our own lessons. That's not to say I won't always be there for those closest to me, but it is time to free myself from unnecessary stress by trying to fix everything for everyone. The only one who can make your situation better is yourself.
That all being said, I know that there are many people who judge me still and my choices and my life. They think they're superior in some way, and that's fine. It's their right to think that. I just sit back and laugh. Sure, you're going places in life but mostly, you're going alone and in the end, it's sad to think back and realize how alone you were, but you'll learn that in time.
Well, it's about time for me to call it a night. I have things to do around the house and since Caleb isn't here I need to get moving on them. It's always easier to clean when he isn't home lol the mess doesn't reappear five minutes after it's cleaned.
I will try to be better about writing more often.
Until next time...
One of the highlights was Lark's last foal being born (finally! one year and one day after her dam was bred). She's a beautiful little bay filly named 'Larks Last Rose' (Hope is her barn name). She was born on June 10th. I couldn't have hoped for anything more than all that she is. I believe I may be as in love with her as I am with my son and every time I see her the feeling only intensifies. She is the one thing bridging a very hard past with so much hope and potential for the future. She is the fruit of something I worked so hard to create that fell apart but now has the opportunity to grow again some day. She means a lot to everyone who knew Lark, who endured 2010 with C 'n' J/Double C, and those who know us and the story now. She is the first fruit of the vision I had for so long in my mind of exactly what I wanted to create with my breeding program. Again, I couldn't have asked for more. She is a beautiful final gift from Lark and will hopefully carry on his memory to all who know her for years to come.
On other topics, I feel that lately I've grown as a person. My divorce will be final within the next few weeks (most likely) and I am once again an individual instead of an Army wife, or anyone's wife. I no longer, legally, have to answer to anyone but myself and my son. It's a liberating and wonderful feeling. It's freeing and inspiring. I don't want to lose my grasp on that. As sad as I am that things ended the way they did and for the reasons they did (on both of our parts), I'm glad to see that things have settled quite well and that now we both, hopefully, can move on with our lives in a happier direction. Walking away is never easy and only when you lose something do you realize how much you truly had and took for granted, but sometimes if you don't walk away, you'll never be able to see what kind of amazing life can be for you.
This is a scary, challenging, life altering time. I love it. I love this feeling. I am not sure that I'll ever want to lose it. That being said, I've remembered something I seem to forget repeatedly and that's doing what makes me happy. I need to and more often. Therefore, due to the invite of two wonderful friends, I have decided that in 2012 I will fulfill two of the things I've wanted to do most in my life for the longest time. I will visit Sicily (where my family is from) and Ireland (where I have always felt a part of my heart must be). I'm not sure how I'm getting there, or getting the money to do so, but I do know that I have enough time to plan it and I want to see the world. I have never been west of the Mississippi and being 26, I think I need to catch up on lost time and do some traveling. I think I deserve that, I think I've earned that, so that is what I'll do.
I have dealt with so much drama in the past year. My own drama, my ex's drama, Army drama, friends drama, family drama....I'm tired and it's grown old. I have learned I cannot fix mistakes for others, nor do I care to any more. We all have to walk our own path and learn our own lessons. That's not to say I won't always be there for those closest to me, but it is time to free myself from unnecessary stress by trying to fix everything for everyone. The only one who can make your situation better is yourself.
That all being said, I know that there are many people who judge me still and my choices and my life. They think they're superior in some way, and that's fine. It's their right to think that. I just sit back and laugh. Sure, you're going places in life but mostly, you're going alone and in the end, it's sad to think back and realize how alone you were, but you'll learn that in time.
Well, it's about time for me to call it a night. I have things to do around the house and since Caleb isn't here I need to get moving on them. It's always easier to clean when he isn't home lol the mess doesn't reappear five minutes after it's cleaned.
I will try to be better about writing more often.
Until next time...
Monday, March 7, 2011
Settling In
So, things are going incredibly well! Okay, maybe not incredibly but pretty well. I'm getting into a little bit of a routine, the soap business is already off to a great start which is awesome. I've gotten three rooms of the house spotless today and I'm getting ready to work on another which is a huge achievement I've been trying to finish for a week.
Deployment is going by slowly. Not mine of course but someone specials ; ) 3 weeks down today! Yay! Only another 32 to go (not that I'm counting).
Anyway, things are slowly coming together. I can't relax about money quite yet but it's getting there so that's an improvement and I won't complain.
Caleb has gotten to spend time with his dad which is awesome and of course, he is loving it. It's only a few hours at a time but they sit around and watch movies and play so he couldn't be happier.
Things are peaceful now and it's good.
That's all I've got for right now. I'll probably write more later but I have work to do.
Until next time...
Deployment is going by slowly. Not mine of course but someone specials ; ) 3 weeks down today! Yay! Only another 32 to go (not that I'm counting).
Anyway, things are slowly coming together. I can't relax about money quite yet but it's getting there so that's an improvement and I won't complain.
Caleb has gotten to spend time with his dad which is awesome and of course, he is loving it. It's only a few hours at a time but they sit around and watch movies and play so he couldn't be happier.
Things are peaceful now and it's good.
That's all I've got for right now. I'll probably write more later but I have work to do.
Until next time...
Saturday, February 26, 2011
And so it begins...
The next chapter...
After all the hurt and pain have subsided, or well have for the most part, I've been left with some peace and quiet. Not a lot, but some. I'm getting to enjoy my house that I haven't stayed in much over the past week or two for numerous reasons. I have things I not only WANT to do here, but HAVE to do here. And well, just because of all of the drama, not all of those things can stop.
For the past few days I've let stress overwhelm me. Stress about money, stress about all the other 'issues' going on, stress about other people or for other people and all of that stress clouded my ability to focus on the opportunities I have right now to change things up.
One of the opportunities I have is starting a business with my good friend, Marie. It's something I always wanted to do, making and selling soaps and other natural bath products (think the botanical store in Practical Magic) and the best part is she takes care of all of the web work, marketing, labeling, etc. I just have to make the product which realistically is the easy part. I started tonight with my first batch of soap that I've made in years. Hopefully, I wasn't too rusty and this turns out okay. I made a peppermint and orange/bergamot castile blend. It smelled yummy going into the mold and hopefully it 'bakes' well and cures out well too. I guess we shall see, so fingers crossed. I have a lot more scents on the list but for tonight one batch was enough. Part of this business also involves the herb garden I've somewhat started. I have a bunch of wonderful seeds on the way and need to get them started growing as soon as they get here. I need to replant a bunch of the seeds I'd already started due to a mishap with Roxie (the dog) and the seeds which had already begun sprouting LOL I'm hoping that by the time autumn rolls around I'm going to have not only a wonderful herb garden but a wonderful veggie garden as well. I'll add pictures as I can...
The next order of business will be making other things to sell from the house and getting the horse thing going again in full swing. I don't want to train anymore, I just want to buy, train and sell. No outside clients I guess is what I'm getting at, I just want to do this on my own level in my own time frame. I don't know how well it's going to work given the current state of the economy but anything is better than nothing at this point, or at least that's what I keep telling myself.
I figure that eventually, it all has to come together. I mean, I know how to do a million and a half things and about a million of them could make money so that's what I need to focus on from here on out. Things are going to be harder being alone again but I did it for a year, what's the difference now really? I'll make it, because I always do and realistically, what other options do I have? So life will go on, or start fresh, however you want to look at it. I'm excited. I'm also nervous and afraid I'll fall flat on my face but I guess a little bit of that is good for everyone. I'm happier now then I've been in a long time and I intend to keep it that way. I will make it work.
Until next time...
After all the hurt and pain have subsided, or well have for the most part, I've been left with some peace and quiet. Not a lot, but some. I'm getting to enjoy my house that I haven't stayed in much over the past week or two for numerous reasons. I have things I not only WANT to do here, but HAVE to do here. And well, just because of all of the drama, not all of those things can stop.
For the past few days I've let stress overwhelm me. Stress about money, stress about all the other 'issues' going on, stress about other people or for other people and all of that stress clouded my ability to focus on the opportunities I have right now to change things up.
One of the opportunities I have is starting a business with my good friend, Marie. It's something I always wanted to do, making and selling soaps and other natural bath products (think the botanical store in Practical Magic) and the best part is she takes care of all of the web work, marketing, labeling, etc. I just have to make the product which realistically is the easy part. I started tonight with my first batch of soap that I've made in years. Hopefully, I wasn't too rusty and this turns out okay. I made a peppermint and orange/bergamot castile blend. It smelled yummy going into the mold and hopefully it 'bakes' well and cures out well too. I guess we shall see, so fingers crossed. I have a lot more scents on the list but for tonight one batch was enough. Part of this business also involves the herb garden I've somewhat started. I have a bunch of wonderful seeds on the way and need to get them started growing as soon as they get here. I need to replant a bunch of the seeds I'd already started due to a mishap with Roxie (the dog) and the seeds which had already begun sprouting LOL I'm hoping that by the time autumn rolls around I'm going to have not only a wonderful herb garden but a wonderful veggie garden as well. I'll add pictures as I can...
The next order of business will be making other things to sell from the house and getting the horse thing going again in full swing. I don't want to train anymore, I just want to buy, train and sell. No outside clients I guess is what I'm getting at, I just want to do this on my own level in my own time frame. I don't know how well it's going to work given the current state of the economy but anything is better than nothing at this point, or at least that's what I keep telling myself.
I figure that eventually, it all has to come together. I mean, I know how to do a million and a half things and about a million of them could make money so that's what I need to focus on from here on out. Things are going to be harder being alone again but I did it for a year, what's the difference now really? I'll make it, because I always do and realistically, what other options do I have? So life will go on, or start fresh, however you want to look at it. I'm excited. I'm also nervous and afraid I'll fall flat on my face but I guess a little bit of that is good for everyone. I'm happier now then I've been in a long time and I intend to keep it that way. I will make it work.
Until next time...
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Starting over...
It's going to be scary. But you know what...I also know that in time, it'll all be just fine. Starting anything is never easy, taking that big leap is never easy. But, I guess what it all comes down to is that you gotta have a little faith. So...off I go into the great unknown. I think I like this feeling.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I Don't Get It
Everyday, I start to wonder more and more what exactly is wrong with some people. It annoys me when people constantly play the victim, or even more the victim who has had to overcome so much. Woe is me. Who thrives off of sympathy? It's friggin' annoying as hell to watch when you know some of the things these people are saying are BLATANT lies and stories blown out of proportion. The most frustrating part is watching the people who believe this BS get taken advantage of and used the way so many others have been by those people before. It makes me want to punch things. Everyone wants a pat on the back for things they've never really done. WTF? Is there any gratification in getting that? I don't understand, probably never will. I'm just sick of hearing it so I'm tuning them out of my life. Everyone has to draw a line somewhere don't they?
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