Well, it's been almost 4 months since I've written. I've been busy, really super busy. I don't really think there's a need to recap it all so we'll leave it at that.
One of the highlights was Lark's last foal being born (finally! one year and one day after her dam was bred). She's a beautiful little bay filly named 'Larks Last Rose' (Hope is her barn name). She was born on June 10th. I couldn't have hoped for anything more than all that she is. I believe I may be as in love with her as I am with my son and every time I see her the feeling only intensifies. She is the one thing bridging a very hard past with so much hope and potential for the future. She is the fruit of something I worked so hard to create that fell apart but now has the opportunity to grow again some day. She means a lot to everyone who knew Lark, who endured 2010 with C 'n' J/Double C, and those who know us and the story now. She is the first fruit of the vision I had for so long in my mind of exactly what I wanted to create with my breeding program. Again, I couldn't have asked for more. She is a beautiful final gift from Lark and will hopefully carry on his memory to all who know her for years to come.
On other topics, I feel that lately I've grown as a person. My divorce will be final within the next few weeks (most likely) and I am once again an individual instead of an Army wife, or anyone's wife. I no longer, legally, have to answer to anyone but myself and my son. It's a liberating and wonderful feeling. It's freeing and inspiring. I don't want to lose my grasp on that. As sad as I am that things ended the way they did and for the reasons they did (on both of our parts), I'm glad to see that things have settled quite well and that now we both, hopefully, can move on with our lives in a happier direction. Walking away is never easy and only when you lose something do you realize how much you truly had and took for granted, but sometimes if you don't walk away, you'll never be able to see what kind of amazing life can be for you.
This is a scary, challenging, life altering time. I love it. I love this feeling. I am not sure that I'll ever want to lose it. That being said, I've remembered something I seem to forget repeatedly and that's doing what makes me happy. I need to and more often. Therefore, due to the invite of two wonderful friends, I have decided that in 2012 I will fulfill two of the things I've wanted to do most in my life for the longest time. I will visit Sicily (where my family is from) and Ireland (where I have always felt a part of my heart must be). I'm not sure how I'm getting there, or getting the money to do so, but I do know that I have enough time to plan it and I want to see the world. I have never been west of the Mississippi and being 26, I think I need to catch up on lost time and do some traveling. I think I deserve that, I think I've earned that, so that is what I'll do.
I have dealt with so much drama in the past year. My own drama, my ex's drama, Army drama, friends drama, family drama....I'm tired and it's grown old. I have learned I cannot fix mistakes for others, nor do I care to any more. We all have to walk our own path and learn our own lessons. That's not to say I won't always be there for those closest to me, but it is time to free myself from unnecessary stress by trying to fix everything for everyone. The only one who can make your situation better is yourself.
That all being said, I know that there are many people who judge me still and my choices and my life. They think they're superior in some way, and that's fine. It's their right to think that. I just sit back and laugh. Sure, you're going places in life but mostly, you're going alone and in the end, it's sad to think back and realize how alone you were, but you'll learn that in time.
Well, it's about time for me to call it a night. I have things to do around the house and since Caleb isn't here I need to get moving on them. It's always easier to clean when he isn't home lol the mess doesn't reappear five minutes after it's cleaned.
I will try to be better about writing more often.
Until next time...
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